i resigned from my job a few weeks back and i finish up on the 21st of April.. cant even begin to describe how i feel about it all cause theres a mixture of pure happiness with a touch of panick as i havent organised or really been loOking tOo hard for a new one.. all i know is i'm not heading back into an office unless its absolutely necessary and even then it would only be for a short time.. like a temp job or whatever.. 

gOsh theres so much to say but i feel like i cant bare my soul on here for fear of this site falling into familiar hands.. i deleted old entries for the same reason really...  

right now i feel like the happiest women on earth but yet also the saddest for reasons i cant disclose here.. today has been a day of mixed high strung emotions.. i've felt like crying, laughing and screaming all at the same time.. i recieved news on saturday that only brought me pain altho i have maintained a brave face, heart and soul.. pain because some decisions are really out of your control... and trying to picture how it would be if it were the other way around kills me like nothing else ever has before - i just want to scream untill i couldnt possibly scream anymore.. theres no simpler way to say it really.. i just want to scream and kick and punch and cry...

my braveface will get me through i know it.. but the thought of staying brave just to make things easier for me seems cruel and unjust.. but what can one do in my situation..? nothing, cause theres nothing i can do to change my reasons, and i truely believe they are valid ones.. valid because i'm loOking beyond as apose to just a few months or years even..

i tried to write a song, but all i could do was sob.. i couldnt even get past the first line.. instead i drew and luckily that brought me alittle peace, peace because as i drew i felt there is understanding between 2 souls, one of them being mine ofcourse and that understanding isnt just thought up in vain.. but more so for the sake of clairty... i know it.. i can feel the understanding and i know its because my decision isnt something i've taken lightly.. like i said, its an understanding between 2 souls.. and i'm not sure how long that will take me but right now, right now my only concern is making this journey for both souls as peaceful and meaningful as i possibly humanly can untill the time comes for us to part..

in another lifetime x